This one is for the guys: How to talk to women 101

By Juliet Ohai

Men like to complain that women are complicated. But, just because people — including women — are complicated does not mean that our lives are devoid of any universal rules or natural laws that govern aspects of our behavior. Men and women are vastly different, but we are all governed by basic social rules and norms. The purpose of this post is to help men talk to women more naturally and casually by understanding a few simple tips.

The thing women expect, more than anything else, is your respect.

As a man, you should always treat women with respect. That means, no rudeness, no insults, no inappropriately sexual comments.

Do not objectify women.

I’ve seen some of the emails that get reported on Zoosk for being inappropriate, and frankly they shock me. Why would it ever be okay for a man to email a woman he’s never met before, commenting on intimate aspects of her anatomy? Are you her gynecologist?

Misogyny will not get you dates.

This point is self-evident.

Take compliments to a cerebral or emotional level, not strictly a physical level.

Women are generally more flattered by compliments about her intelligence, her kindness, the worth of her personality, than comments about her physicality. Telling a woman that you find her interesting is worth a thousand compliments about her looks.

Never comment positively on another woman’s looks around the woman you are trying to woo.

This is basic sense. Even if a drop-dead gorgeous supermodel walks across your path while you are with your sweetie, you should avoid mentioning it to your sweetie. Never tell your sweetie that you find another woman more attractive. Not even a woman in a magazine. Trust me.

Half the struggle of talking to women is just to keep talking.

I’m not saying you should talk non-stop without giving her a chance to speak. I’m saying that the biggest struggle is not to run out of things to talk about. You don’t have to say the most interesting things in the world. You just can’t say nothing.

When in doubt, ask about a woman’s tastes.

People love talking about themselves. If you feel at a loss of things to say around a woman, ask about her tastes in things. What kind of music does she like? What’s her favorite movie? Does she have a favorite book? If you need to, write these topics down in advance.

Don’t come across as arrogant.

Women hate it when men come across as arrogant, or as if they’re trying too hard to impress. I don’t know why men ever think it’s a good idea to be macho around women. The kind of bantering that happens between guys isn’t the same as the kind of communication that occurs between a man and a woman.

Don’t come across as too self-deprecating. Confidence is sexy!

A little bit of self-deprecation is cute, but if all you do is sit around expressing your insecurities… it’s a definite turn-off. Confidence is sexy.

Don’t give up the power too easy. But give it up eventually.

Here’s a big tip. Women like a little bit of a power struggle. We like it when guys play hard to get! Don’t make it too easy for us. BUT, we hate it when you start playing games. We love a bit of a power struggle, but games are for children.

Don’t push women into anything physical too quickly.

When you’re first getting to know a woman, don’t take the relationship into physical territory until you’ve established your parameters. Respecting a woman means letting her decide her comfort level when it comes to getting physical — NOT you dictating it for her.

Women love talking about their feelings.

Most women out there enjoy discussing their feelings. Asking her about her feelings is a great way of letting a woman know that you care about her and that her feelings matter to you.

DO be the sweet, charming man that every girl wants.

Pay attention to these basic rules, and be just that. 🙂

photo credit: alaskan dude

15 thoughts on “This one is for the guys: How to talk to women 101

  1. it all says nice and it is true but for the men out that want to use a woman wow you just helped them out and the truly nice guys will al pay for this one

  2. Bravo! Excellent! Thank you Juliet for writing and posting this.
    Pay attention to this guys. It is absolutely the truth. I have dumped many guys because of inappropriate sexual comments. They are insulting. Are you looking for a lady or a tramp? If you knew the person, the comments might be f un. But since you don’t, they are degrading, and does nothing more than send out a red flag.

    • hi there, i will definately take note of what you and Juliet has posted. It is always good to get feedback on “how to” and i can never get enough info, n matterwhat. the more info on what women like/dislike, how to etc… is all the more better. thank you for your feedback! I will certainly take note! Not only on your post but evry other post aswell. thanks JG……take care.

  3. I like the advise, even this, but I want to clarify something.
    You said, “As a man, you should always treat women with respect. That means, no rudeness, no insults, no inappropriately sexual comments.”
    Now I am not arguing with you, a man should not be rude or harassing(insults and sexual comments). This Bible verse is not only for guys but the girls as well.
    When the Bible says, Ephesians 5:22-33, “22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

    • Because women in general do not know what they want…

      I don’t care how mature they think they are….they are not.Follow those rules and you will end up with a woman you would never want to spend time with.

      Treat her like a lady,she will think you are stupid and will try to manipulate you.Treat her like trash,she will be with you forever..cause they do not know what they want.At least till they reach a more mature age.
      At some this can be at a younger age,at others you can wait even till they hit 30 years of their lives

  4. He doesn’t. I just dumped a guy becuz of of this. I explained that I am not a prude or old fashioned, that if I knew him better I might not be insulted by his sexual remarks. Plus most of them were in emails which can be a problem by its self. Some of the remarks were actually funny, and I love a sense of humor, but I couldn’t feel the humor as it insulted me. If it had been a few months down the road, I would have came back with a humorous response and we would have both laughed. Instead, I sent him a note which said “Just when I think you are
    going to turn out to be a nice guy, you disappoint me again with another sexual remark”. He sent me a note back that said “Goodbye humorless person”. So that was the end of what could have been a good relationship.

    • Jennifer, you seem like a lady who demands respect, like we all do. It appears that you get all the “bozo’s” ??? sorry to say. but like you said you have to get to know a person a first b4 ant sexual remarks can become humourous. some guys just have an inflated ego, and you certainly know how to shut them down…..I like this dickheads like that should be put in there place and i applaude u for doing so. u go girl, give em what they deserve………a kick to the curb….mind u i am a male!

  5. For this topic it depends what you are going on. the matter is Nice guys finish last this statement will forever be true. it depends on age and personal experience with every girl that differs. For all the nice guys out there keep on being nice but dont be tooooo nice it just gives a women the mentality that she can just have thier way with you. but that doesnt mean be a total jerk to her ether. i am a nice guy but ive been studying how girls react to different guys. girls are attracted to bad boys because of there extreme level of confidence which is sometimes reckless…… meh screw it to much to explain i dont have a PHD but i know this subject.
    Point is Different people need different things, some girls love it some girls hate it this cant go for ALL women cuz all women are not the same. and for you nice guys i hope you are very very patient because women dont really know what kind of guy they want till their older years rang 27+ some may be sooner or older depending on how well a women can control her emotions. No offensive to any women.

    • To the gals that like it, to each their own. But when I guy starts talking anythig concerning sex, and the gal tells him she doesn’t like it, then he should never talk like than again, until the time is right.
      Jennifer G.

  6. if u are raised to be a gentelman you will be one but if not you act like a compleat ass on a date and you will find yourself alone for along time.

    • One more thing………guys, PLEASE don’t put a pic on these sites with a hat on, sunglasses, a tank top or a drink in your hand. AND especially when some of your clothes are missing–like your shirts. I can only guess, that you add that kind of photo because you want the gals to see you that way, because you think you’re hot or you want to entice them with your body. Maybe some gals appreciate that, but most of us do not and it only makes you look like a fool.
      One more thing, if there is more than one person in the photo,,,then please comment on which one you are.
      Just my opinion…..
      Jennifer G.

  7. This is OK when you have positive answer during first communication. But, if there is more then 1000 lost e-mails (not answered) written by this rules, there is VERY big problem about this advices. Are they so “friendly” as they look like or this is “one more joke” to provoke single men to act like a jerk. Or, maybe, we speak about deferent way of culture and life?????

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