By Juliet O
No one likes to be around a negative person. This principle applies equally in the real world as in the world of online dating. Any hint of negativity on your Zoosk dating profile can really kill the mood with a prospective match. On your online dating profile, negativity (and its kin: sarcasm, pessimism, abrasiveness, misanthropy, and rancor) should be used cautiously and sparingly, or better yet not at all.
Why do we develop negative patterns of thinking? Many psychology experts believes that we become negative because negative thinking is easy — and it can easily become a habit. Bad thoughts perpetuate themselves. It’s the easy way out (and a total cop out) to be negative about our lives, because the alternative — positive thinking — requires a lot more effort. We have to choose to be happy and positive, and that choice has to be maintained over the course of our lives. Positive thinking takes constant work. In many ways, positive thinking is a choice. And positive thinking is absolutely essential for a relationship to succeed.
Hmm… takes constant effort, is a choice, requires reinforcement and reevaluation over time, and doesn’t come easy? Doesn’t it sound like positive thinking here can sort-of correlate to being in a relationship? Take out “positive thinking” and insert “a relationship” in the above sentences, and you see where I’m getting at. If you show signs of negativity on your profile, it indicates that you’re taking the easy, cynical way out — and if you’re that kind of person, how can you be the sort of person who can really put in the work necessary into being in a relationship, or even open yourself up to being in a relationship in the first place?
Being pessimistic about life can and does translate into being pessimistic about relationships with other people. Negative individuals close themselves off to others and constantly worry that they are going to be let down by the people around them. You can’t maintain that kind of thinking if you want to a relationship to succeed, because dating and relationships take hope, faith, and a belief that in the end, everything will work out. “Happily ever after” doesn’t just happen. You have to work at it and believe in it. And if you show signs of negativity on your profile, you are sending the message that you aren’t the kind of person who is capable of doing that.
So how do you change a negative framework into a positive one? Here are some simple tips that can lead you in the right direction.
- Think positively. Negative thinking becomes habit over time, and just like quitting any other bad habit, you have to be highly conscious of your bad habit and reroute your behavior and thinking patterns. When you find yourself lapsing, take a deep breath and be present in the moment. Be aware. If you start feeling like you’re going to have unjustified negative thoughts, catch yourself before they get the best of you and think about something positive instead — even if it’s entirely unrelated. After enough emotional distance has passed, perhaps you can re-evaluate the situation more clearly.
- Have faith in yourself and other people. If you think that you’re going to fail, either start thinking about success or tell yourself that failure in one thing does not signify failure in all things. Take life in stride. If you find yourself thinking about the faults of other people, think about their strengths instead. Always look at the good in others.
- Write down all the negative words you can think of. Now change them to positive words. “Can’t” becomes “can,” and “failure” becomes “success” and “loss” becomes “gain”. Etc. This is a good mental exercise.
- Stop complaining, cold turkey. Probably the best thing negative people can do for themselves is to stop complaining for a day. If you find yourself trapped in negative patterns of thinking, try this exercise: for one who day, don’t let yourself complain. Out loud or in your head, complaining is off limits.
- Decide that you aren’t going to let your negative thinking get the best of you. Make an executive decision to change your life.
If you decide to alter your negative thinking into positive thinking, make sure you take a good look at your Zoosk Date Card and make sure that it coheres to that positivity. Make sure that, in your date card, you avoid the following patterns of negative thinking.
- Self-deprecation. In your date card, don’t talk about the ways you hate yourself or your low self-esteem. Take out anything that comes off as self-loathing.
- Sarcasm. A little sarcasm in person is fine, but it doesn’t translate well over the net. You can’t hear vocal inflections, you can see facial gestures, so sarcasm often comes off as rudeness. Take it out.
- Pessimism. Get it out of your date card.
- Anything that indicates a cynical worldview.
- Any and all complaints. Your date card is not a forum for your rants or complaints. Don’t use it as one.
Now that your date card has lost its negative elements, infuse it with signs of positivity. Here are some ideas:
- Talk about things you love and that make you happy.
- Discuss your goals for the future.
- Write about your relationship hopes.
- Let your sense of humor shine.
- Get your friends to write great testimonials for you.
Good luck. Like relationships, positivity isn’t easy, but if you’re up for the challenge, the rewards of happiness make everything worth it.
For more reading on getting dates on Zoosk, check out these articles.
Simple tips on how to get more attention on Zoosk
How to trick out your Zoosk date card
How to use Zoosk to get over a broken heart
Zoosk advice on how to overcome shyness
Photo credit: aussigall